NEW YORK—Thanking the pathetic particular person for serving to finish a pandemic to the town’s streets, the Town of New York introduced Friday that Timothy Waller, an overly unhappy guy, had followed all 500,000 of its feral cats. “Mr. Waller has long gone above and past in serving to to stem the tide of stray pussycats via providing to position up all the half-million-strong street-cat inhabitants in his garden-level studio condo,” stated Mayor Eric Adams, who lauded the friendless guy for coming to the rescue of the pack of stray and diseased cats via welcoming them into his “crushingly lonely life.” “We owe a debt of gratitude to this pitiful New Yorker for believing—actually truthfully believing—that those cats would possibly after all fill the gaping hollow left in his existence via the loss of any pleasant relationships or romantic potentialities in anyway. He’ll in an instant start taking over accountability for feeding and taking part in with them, which must be no downside, since he’s advised us he has not anything higher to do together with his existence. God, it simply breaks your center.” When pressed for remark, Waller insisted that the extra cats in reality got here at the easiest time for the reason that he’d been in search of buddies for the 200,000 different strays he already had.